her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
