Only a mothe r could love this liver
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
