A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize