from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Even my vagina gasped.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
