I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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