I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
