Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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