If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Are we still banned from the library?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
