What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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