Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
