Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
