Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
