sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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