My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.