Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

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  (817): Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch... http://tfl.nu/5oqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1254) Bad night (670)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

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  (313): Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board? http://tfl.nu/cf1u
  Replies (19) Good night (791) Bad night (5854)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks

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  (772): Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/26ja
  Replies (4) Good night (2864) Bad night (615)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.

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  (613): Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome. http://tfl.nu/65yv
  Replies (15) Good night (4838) Bad night (1055)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started

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  (847): then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started http://tfl.nu/q84m
  Replies (15) Good night (4292) Bad night (1073)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

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  (832): Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail. http://tfl.nu/wcht
  Replies (4) Good night (1832) Bad night (539)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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  (201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a
  Replies (6) Good night (825) Bad night (536)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".

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  (603): From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon". http://tfl.nu/l6av
  Replies (7) Good night (1570) Bad night (855)
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  (415): View more from California

  I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT

  (707): View more from California

  I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.

  (415): View more from California

  I effort

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  (415): I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT (707): I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT. (415): I effort http://tfl.nu/ft8e
  Replies (6) Good night (1422) Bad night (484)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"

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  (917): she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall" http://tfl.nu/c8ce
  Replies (2) Good night (1498) Bad night (356)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.

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  (540): You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you. http://tfl.nu/4u5p
  Replies (6) Good night (1974) Bad night (573)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.

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  (330): That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's. http://tfl.nu/6ug9
  Replies (0) Good night (265) Bad night (617)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary

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  (480): Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary http://tfl.nu/ompd
  Replies (3) Good night (249) Bad night (456)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.

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  (508): You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment. http://tfl.nu/adm1
  Replies (0) Good night (235) Bad night (336)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.

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  (412): we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon. http://tfl.nu/xou6
  Replies (6) Good night (290) Bad night (445)

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