I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.