fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...