he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.