There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
