I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
