how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
