Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
