so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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