i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
