dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
