She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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