Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize