not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
