No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
