Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
