im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
