lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
