If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
