so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
