More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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