a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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