a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
