i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
