I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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