It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
