I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
