I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
