you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
