youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
