why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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