I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A bitchslap is in order.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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