When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
