Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
