Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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