so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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