my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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