I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
