What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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