I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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