i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
