I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
