I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
