What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
