I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
