cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
