I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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