I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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