there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
