i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
handjob tips. give me some.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
