I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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