Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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