I accidentally had phone sex last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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